A Million-Dollar Idea

We all have these million dollar ideas…

guyoncouch

You think you’re unpredictable when you come home drunk, but you’re not.

“I’m a little drunk,” you say as you kick off your Converses. Half of the time you fall over while doing so.

“I can tell,” I say.

“Just a little. Only a little.”  You then walk over and give me a hug while I’m on the couch with my laptop. “You’re my best friend,” you say.

“You’re my best friend too,” I say.

You walk into the kitchen and I follow. You open the jar of peanut butter and eat it with your finger.

“That’s mine,” I say. “You only get the chunky.”

“My bad, I’ll buy you some more,” you say.

The food does differ from time to time. Sometimes leftover pizza or a chocolate bar.

“I have it,” you say. “This is what’ll make us rich.”

“What’s the idea?” I say.

You shut the fridge and walk back into the living room. Sometimes you push me aside. Sometimes it’s deliberate.

“You know me, I’m an ideas guy,” you say, falling onto the sofa I was sitting on. You never notice that you’re on my laptop.” And you’ll help me because you’re a great writer and great with words and you’re my best friend.”

“What’s the idea?” I ask, but you’re asleep. You never tell me what the idea is.

Sometimes I want to write on your cheek with a Sharpie. Sometimes I want to take the peanut butter and smear it on your forehead. Most of the time I want to pull my laptop from underneath your legs and hit you across the face with it.

I know you have great ideas. You’ve told me about them many nights out on our porch while smoking Black & Milds. Only I’m the guy who pulls out my phone and searches your idea and pulls up several thousand results. I only do it to bring you down to earth, because you think all your ideas are worth a million dollars. Only you end up landing in a sofa, drunk and without any ideas at all, just like me.

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